even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
