Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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