I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize