I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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