i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
