He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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