You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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