I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
