idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
