be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
