Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
