I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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