No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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