It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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