halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
