bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
