Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
someone owes me an orgasm
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
