pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
