I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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