she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
