Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
