I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
