There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
