Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
