You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize