its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
