I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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