You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
