I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
