She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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