Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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