My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Shame - the story of my life.
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