I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
