my vag is so smooth its legendary
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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