At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
