Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
