Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
NoShamevember. You game?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
