Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
