You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
