Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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