There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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