he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
