her vagine was all disorganized.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
