Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
