Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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