Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
