im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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