Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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