There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
