They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
