Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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