Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm too high and old for this...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
