we made out on top of his cat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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