i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
