Sponge bath it is.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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