you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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