I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
