Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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