Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
