Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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